Lesson #1 - Encouraging the Heart

[Stacey Fraser]

Encouraging the Heart – Lesson 1

Discussion Post #1: Share a story about a time when you received thanks or recognition for something you had done and how it made you feel? Then share a time you didn’t receive acknowledgement for something you thought was important (a special achievement, extra hard work, etc.) How did it make you feel then? Why is it important to give recognition and positive feedback?

I am mostly a shy and private person and tend to avoid being the center of attention. This does not mean that I don’t like to be appreciated or recognized, but I do prefer this in smaller or private settings most of the time. Once, in a very large group setting, I was recognized for an accomplishment and although pleased to have the recognition, I was uncomfortable and self-conscious. I was caught unaware with the recognition and because it was in a setting that was so large and with so many people I didn’t even know, I felt like I didn’t get to enjoy my spotlight time or absorb it. I was suddenly too worried about all these strangers’ eyes on me!

Early on in my career, I had a supervisor that didn’t provide encouragement or recognition at all, publicly or privately. This always left staff feeling unappreciated and thinking that we all must be doing something wrong. Well, I was tasked with a big project that would help the whole team meet an important deadline and I worked extremely long and hard to get it done.

Done and successful in my project, I never got even a “good job”, “nice work”, or “thank you” from my supervisor – publicly or privately. This was noticed by not only me, but by the whole team. This whole situation led to a collective lack of respect, unhappiness, and feelings of knowing that there was no support or appreciation from above no matter what kind of job was done. It became clear that the importance of positive feedback that is so critical was lacking and the whole situation, which seemed to come to a boiling point, took months to come back from. It became a horrible situation and to think, all that was needed was a little genuine kindness and appreciation.

Discussion Post #2: Post your score and share your thoughts about your score. Do you think it is accurate? Why or why not?

My score came out to be 138. My first thought and main concern was that I think I have a lot of work to do!! In taking the time to think about it more, I also came to the realization that I have let some of my own biases get in the way concerning giving praise. I am a great genuine connector and give plenty of praise and encouragement in private via email and one-on-one, but in terms of in front of other people, I do a poor job with this. I realized that just because I prefer a private setting for my own praise and encouragement, not everyone does. I need to adjust my approaches realizing people view and need things differently than I do!

Yes, I do believe the score is accurate. I believe my intentions are there and I carry through well, for the most part, but I have not done an adequate job intentionally tailoring to the specific needs/desires of all my team. I do know that about half my team does not like public praise/encouragement and I have kept to the private route for them and myself, basically ignoring those that prefer it differently. I also do struggle with, like the book points out, not wanting other people to get their feelings hurt or have people feel like they are being left out.

[Lori Hebert]

Stacey, I have so enjoyed getting to know you over these last 10 months. You approach everything with a willingness to grow in a way that highlights your "I think I have a lot of work to do", but I also think you sometimes forget to give yourself credit for the work you are doing. Gary and I were just talking about that, it being ok to give ourselves credit for a job well done in conjunction with identifying where we can improve, it is not one or the other, we can do both. I love that you highlight your connection with knowing some of the team would not like public praise, while also pushing yourself to intentionally tailor acknowledgement for others. Great post, I have learned so much from you, thank you!

[ofrancesconi]

Stacey, I also enjoyed reading your post. You have been so raw and honest in all that you do. To Lori's point, don't forget about the things you're already awesome at and the growth you've had over the last year. Yes, we can all improve but you already bring such great skills, knowledge and attributes to the table. You create a positive 'self-fulfilling prophecy' through your good intentions, warmth and your focus to support others.
As for trying to get better at giving public praise, the first couple of times might feel awkward but I suspect it'll be easier than public speaking and you've nailed that! ;-)

[Gregg Caplitz]

Stacey you continue to grade yourself hard. The reality is you are as kind and empathetic a person as I have ever meet and I'm old lol. Working together on our projects has been an absolute joy. Watching your growth as a presenter is amazing. You as my friend Tim says "get it" and that cannot be faked. Thank you for everything you did to help me this year. I would have given you a higher grade.