Developing a Message - - Leslie R. Reid

[Leslie]

Growth          Opportunity      Progress 

The Fedcap Group expands its services into Florida!

Veteran’s Services + Wellness + Employment + Education 

The Fedcap Group has been awarded a 4-year contract totaling $20 million dollars. In collaboration with the Veteran’s Administration and the State of Florida, The Fedcap Group will offer education, employment, and family wellness support services to 5000 veterans annually. To maximize outreach and service delivery to Florida’s veteran’s, Fedcap will establish substantive partnerships with local community-based service providers. Fedcap will take the lead in the development of a state-wide provider network integrating the services of providers who will saturate Florida with comprehensive and accessible services designed to support Veterans and their families. The service delivery model will be evaluated using traditional milestone attainments. Program efficacy will be tracked by capturing data on the number of veterans who obtain jobs; the 90-day retention rate and the type of skill-based certifications earned in high-growth sectors. Fedcap will utilize its signature Best Practices models which are currently implemented in employment-readiness programs in the United States and the UK.  

The Fedcap Group enthusiastically embraces this new business opportunity and its potential to positively impact 20,000 veterans and their families. 



What is the precise message you tried to communicate?

• New service offerings and company expansion/growth into Florida
  
• Fedcap seeks to partner with existing providers. 
  
• The new program will offer opportunities to collaborate with existing service providers
  
• Needed services for Florida’s veterans was coming
  
• Fedcap’s expertise 
  
• Fedcap’s proven track record
  

What were the factors you considered while crafting your message?

• 
  What phrases would grab the reader’s attention?
   
• What would generate interest in the new project?
   
• Who is the target audience for the Press Release?
   
• What information would generate interest w/in the company?

 Was it difficult to craft the message? Why or why not? 

It wasn’t difficult. There was enough information provided to craft the message. I didn’t have to guess about any of the specifics. I did try to keep in mind the target audience. I was not sure if this was an internal press release to galvanize interest within the company or outside the company to a general market.
 

What are the risks in a poorly crafted press release? What are the benefits of a well-crafted press release?

A poorly crafted press release could be ambiguous; deliver incorrect or partially incorrect information. If the press release was poorly crafted it could fail to garner attention, become “bad publicity” or create a bad first impression.
A well-crafted press release generates excitement and the interest of potential clients, collaborators
and the public. It can be used as a proper introduction into a new community
while it announces the projects goals and our intent and experience. Ultimately, the press release provides name recognition and serves to establish our presence and commitment
.

[jennfriesen]

I like how you highlight the overall announcement at the top. You did a good job with how you worded some of the bigger points you wanted to express (e.g. collaboration; helping Floridians; employment for veterans). While people in the field would be able to easily grasp the meaning of the following, I am not confident all would: The service delivery model will be evaluated using traditional milestone attainments. Program efficacy will be tracked by capturing data on the number of veterans who obtain jobs; the 90-day retention rate and the type of skill-based certifications earned in high-growth sectors. Perhaps if it were simplified and narrowed a bit, it would read better. Overall, nice job!

[don]

This is good. Do you think you might have introduced/explained Fedcap a bit more given that it is new to the FL market?